God exists, but I despise religion.

I'm a baptized Christian-Catholic but does not believe on it and on other religions. Me being baptized as a Catholic is because of my parents are both Catholic, not because I liked the religion or I believe the doctrines.

During grade school, I never fail to make my catechist mad to the point that she will either make me leave the class room or she will walk out of the class. I keep on asking her questions that I know she can't answer, or questions that I know its hard to answer, questions that the bible that she reads and believes on can't even answer.

On my first confession, I made fun of the priest! I told him that I kill for fun! He was so shocked of what an 8-year-old boy was talking about. I followed that I kill cockroaches and rats for fun, and then I made that devil laugh. The priest was so disappointed and mad,he called my catechist and told her that I wasn't prepared to accept Christ, He got that right.

Knowing that my mom will get mad at me when I will not be able to have my first communion, I said sorry to the priest unwillingly, and just made up so many crazy stuff to satisfy him.

Even though I don't 100% believed on the religion that I'm at, I learned loved it because of the traditions that it brought to us, to our family.

On my high school days, I experienced my first religion debate against almost all of my classmates. I was having debate with different religions, I was alone fighting for what I believed on. But what exactly do I believe on? Its hard for me, because I'm a catholic, but I know in my heart and in my mind that I don't believe on it. I was called an anti-Christ because of debating against Christians over they belief.

As an altar server(Sakristan) - Believe it or not, I was a former altar server. Being an altar server is the closest thing I could get to my religion, and there I see all the bad things parishioners never get to see during a mass. I see church as a dome of hypocrite people. Parishioners go to church, they listen to words of God, eats his flesh, but after the mass, what? They still doesn't live what the church preaches.
I was scheduled to serve during the first and the last mass, I see hypocrisy either way. The first mass starts at 6o'clock in the morning, most of the church goers during this time are old people with their housekeeper, those people aren't there to worship, they only go to church to show their wealth on other parishioners. They all wear their expensive clothes, jewelries, and bags just to show off. The last mass scheduled at 7o'clock in the afternoon, church goers are mostly the young ones, but still, they are there not to worship, but just to show off their wealth, or just meet with their partners or peers. They never listen to what the priest was saying.

The first one who understands me - A classmate of mine who was addicted on reading history books, he was the first one who understands me, he was also my history class debate partner, but not like during my lower years on high school, we were actually debating against our history teacher not our classmates. We always end up smiling because our teacher never answered our questions directly because she can't answer it at all, so she always ends it up with a laugh and make us look fools for having a wide understanding, my classmates being so closed minded, they also laugh and thought of us as fools. But my partner was so great that he was selected to represent our section on the history quiz bee, while I was the representative on the mathematics quiz bee, we both ranked runner up.

My hate for Christianity - Why do I hate Christianity? The fact that the main purpose of the spread of Christianity is to conquer lands and enslave people believing on the God that they brought to us.
Early Filipinos are Animist, that's why they manage to keep the environment balance, but when the Spaniards came with their Christianity, they enslaved Filipinos telling that Christianity will save them from any harm. They proved it by piercing a Filipino my fellow ancestors heart and watch him die, the same sword was tried to pierce on a Spaniard soldier but didn't pass trough him because of his metal armor. They fooled my poor ancestors, they used their religion to enslave us! Now, why will I believe a religion that was meant for conquering lands and enslaving people?

Conversation with God by Neale Donald Walsch - I'm not a bookworm, but whenever I saw a book or something to read, I read it. Then there was one time, I was on a book store and noticed this book, it was the Conversation with God by Neale. I read some pages, not all of it, but it had already given me an idea. The book was when the author was thinking 'bout the existence of God, then he started talking to God, He was asking him questions and God was answering him. Then I said to myself, if he can talk to God, I can also talk to him, so I did. That started my habit of talking with God.

My first conversation with God - I was doubting it at first, I was thinking that maybe it was just my other personality that was answering me. My faith was stronger than my mind, so I kept on talking to God whenever I'm confused, but his answers are more confusing. He never answered my questions directly, its always a question, it was like his pointing something to me, and it will always be me who will decide whats wrong and whats right.

Most religions came from the bible, in fact, Islam's Quran was believed to be the third book and the final revelation of God.

"Some people say the Bible is the true word of God, others say it is a giant book of metaphors. I say it was creative journalism at its best. I’m also willing to bet that most of the authors were piss drunk, and stoned from the rampant opiates." - Sleepy Eagle

On the same manner is the way I looked at the bible, I don't worship God, I know he exist, I know he's all powerful but I feel that worshiping him is not my duty, I know that God has punishments to whatever bad things that you've done, I know that God can make fun of your life and you can't do anything about it cause he's God, I know that God is not all loving, I know that God can also be cruel. I believe that what Christians believe to be Heaven and Hell are both owned and managed by God and not by some fallen angel.

To sum it up, I believe on a God that feels everything that a man can feel, whether its good or evil, but the only difference is that he never feel afraid because he have the power to do whatever he wants.


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